Avoid the 3A trap and SPEAK UP!!

Hi All,

Most of the times we invite problems in our lives by saying YES. We tend to think that if we say No it will spoil our relationships with our members of the family, friends, boss and colleagues. But as a afterthought we know that our YESs' strain ourselves when we commit to lot of things that are unreasonable and taxing and often wonder why we are left as high and dry. It could be yielding to a demand to your spouse, saying yes to your boss for an assignment when you already have so much on your plate to deliver.

Reflecting on my own life I think I could have avoided many uncomfortable situations if I had dared to say NO. Recently I picked up a book titled 'The Power of Positive No' by William Ury. The book addresses these issues pretty well and it also brings many examples and instances that we could relate to. We can avoid a trap called 3A trap namely Accomodation, Attack and Avoid that can make our lives simpler.

- Accommodate is when we yield to requests from others. Since we do not want to annoy and risk our rapport with others we unknowingly invite lot of problems that can nagg us for a long time. We overburden us and take a lot of pressure on us. With time it takes a toll on us and we find ourselves deep in frustration.

- Attack is when we are very aggressive and mouth our displeasure and say a blunt No to others. Someone has rightly said that when we are angry we make the best speech that we will ever regret. When someone comes with a unreasonable request we can not hide our emotions and say a straight No. Our gestures and body language can antagonize others and spoil relationships.

- Avoid is one when we neglect things and hope that things will get better with time. But if issues and problems are left unnoticed, they tend to grow bigger in magnitude with time. So if we do not address the issues/problems in time it can overwhelm us and we will not be able to do any damage control.

So what do we do? I think the best way is to Speak Up. Speak up in a way where we can put our facts assertively, cite reasons that why we can not commit to something/anything in a cool and composed manner and finally not to run away from the issues and problems but to address them head on...

-Amit

Unhappiness is when we are defeated in minds

Hi All,

Is there a life possible where there are no challenges, no obstacles, no struggles? I think everyone would say, 'If there is life, there would be struggles'. Those who face challenges in life are the luckiest because they get ample oppotunities to grow in life. It is only during struggles we realize our inner potentials. But the irony is we tend to become complacent and comfy about our lives. We want to plan everything with clinical precision, want to predict things as per our whims and fancies, and want to live a life which is steady and undisruptive. Life interestingly is full of surprises, it can catch you unaware, and it can push you to the walls at times. Those who show courage, guts and a verve to fight out the tough situations in life are the ones who emerge as victorious.

We should thank God whenever we face a challenge in life. It is an wonderful opportunity to correct our attitudes in our lives. We face tough times in our relationships with our parents, bosses, loved ones or friends. We face tough times in while fulfilling our career aspirations, persuing our hobbies and interests. Most of the times we consider these as triggers or agents of unhappiness. We become unhappy because we get defeated in our minds. We tend to believe that these challenges are unsurmountable and we have to give-up. The other point of view which is more optimistic is to take responsibilty of our own actions and taking full control of our lives. We should stop blaming others, our environment for our pitiable state in lives. Rather, we should start working on our negativities, weaknesses, negative traits to correct our actions. The change will happen when we start looking at our actions and start creating a positive impact. With this attitude we can change our relationships, change our destinies for good.

"Unhappiness is not in challenges but unhappiness lies when we get defeated in our minds"

-Amit