Avoid the 3A trap and SPEAK UP!!

Hi All,

Most of the times we invite problems in our lives by saying YES. We tend to think that if we say No it will spoil our relationships with our members of the family, friends, boss and colleagues. But as a afterthought we know that our YESs' strain ourselves when we commit to lot of things that are unreasonable and taxing and often wonder why we are left as high and dry. It could be yielding to a demand to your spouse, saying yes to your boss for an assignment when you already have so much on your plate to deliver.

Reflecting on my own life I think I could have avoided many uncomfortable situations if I had dared to say NO. Recently I picked up a book titled 'The Power of Positive No' by William Ury. The book addresses these issues pretty well and it also brings many examples and instances that we could relate to. We can avoid a trap called 3A trap namely Accomodation, Attack and Avoid that can make our lives simpler.

- Accommodate is when we yield to requests from others. Since we do not want to annoy and risk our rapport with others we unknowingly invite lot of problems that can nagg us for a long time. We overburden us and take a lot of pressure on us. With time it takes a toll on us and we find ourselves deep in frustration.

- Attack is when we are very aggressive and mouth our displeasure and say a blunt No to others. Someone has rightly said that when we are angry we make the best speech that we will ever regret. When someone comes with a unreasonable request we can not hide our emotions and say a straight No. Our gestures and body language can antagonize others and spoil relationships.

- Avoid is one when we neglect things and hope that things will get better with time. But if issues and problems are left unnoticed, they tend to grow bigger in magnitude with time. So if we do not address the issues/problems in time it can overwhelm us and we will not be able to do any damage control.

So what do we do? I think the best way is to Speak Up. Speak up in a way where we can put our facts assertively, cite reasons that why we can not commit to something/anything in a cool and composed manner and finally not to run away from the issues and problems but to address them head on...

-Amit